The Reluctant Cannibal

Flanders & Swann
Language: English

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Scritta da Michael Flanders (1922–1975) e Donald Swann (1923-1994).‎
Dall’album del 1960 tratto dallo spettacolo intitolato “At The Drop of a Hat”‎

At The Drop of a Hat

Flanders & Swann è stato un duo comico inglese attivo negli anni 60. Composero un centinaio di ‎canzoni satiriche e parodistiche o semplicemente comiche. ‎

Questa racconta di un giovane cannibale che ad una cena in famiglia rifiuta di mangiare lo squisito ‎arrosto di assicuratore preparato dalla genitrice. Ne segue una dura discussione col padre che vuole ‎convincere il figlio dell’impossibilità di cambiare la loro natura: “Abbiamo sempre mangiato ‎uomini, e sempre li mangeremo!” Ma di fronte all’ostinato rifiuto del giovane il padre gli ‎suggerisce di assumere un approccio più realistico, meno idealista: “…Tu sei sempre stato un ‎normale cannibale. Se non ti togli dalla testa questo folle pensiero idealista, non so dove andremo a ‎finire. Finirai col rovinare la nostra intera economia! Ma perché invece non te vai in giro dicendo, ‎‎“Non fate la guerra!”, per esempio ?!?”
Entrambi, padre e figlio, sbottano a ridere…‎
“Oh, finalmente ti riconosco, figlio mio!”

Parodia contro i benpensanti guerrafondai.‎
Non è un caso che Flanders durante la seconda guerra mondiale fosse stato un obiettore di coscienza ‎ed avesse prestato servizio in un corpo di soccorso organizzato dalla Chiesa Quacchera.‎
Seated one day at the tom-tom, I heard a welcome shout from the kitchens: “Come and get it!”‎
Roast leg of insurance salesman.‎
A chorus of yums ran round the table. “Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum....” Except for Junior, who ‎pushed away his shell, got up from his log, and said, “I don't want any part of it.”‎

What? Why not?‎

‎- I don't eat people


‎- I won't eat people


‎- I don't eat people

I must be going deaf

‎- Eating people is wrong

It's wrong?‎

‎- Don't eat people

Have you gone clean out of your mind?‎

‎- I won't eat people

What's the matter with the lad?‎

‎- Don't eat people

He keeps on repeating

‎- Eating people is bad

But people have always eaten people, what else is there to eat? If the juju had meant us not to eat ‎people, he wouldn't have made us of meat.‎

‎- Don't eat people

Oh no, not again

‎- I won't eat people

All the day long

‎- Don't eat people

He keeps on repeating

‎- Eating people is wrong

Well, I've never heard of a more ridiculous idea in all my born days. To think that a son of mine ‎should grow up to be a sissy... Me, chief assistant to the assistant chief. I suppose you realise, son, if ‎this was to get around we might never get self-government.‎

‎- I won't eat people!‎

Have you been talking to one of your mothers again? You're not getting to be one of these cranks ‎that thinks that eating people is cruel, are you, you see a man sitting in a pot and think he's ‎suffering? Oh, it's not like that at all. Why, he's just had an invigorating chase through the forest. ‎He's sitting there in the nice warm water, with all the carrots and dumplings and things, he's ‎thinking “Oh, the pleasure and happiness I'm going to give to a whole heap of people”, that man in ‎the pot there, he enjoys it.‎

‎- Eating people is wrong!‎

Look, son, son, I admire your sincerity, always be sincere, whether you mean it or not. You're ‎young, when you're young, you think you can change the whole world overnight, even eating ‎people, I know, I've been young myself. Take it from your old dad, you've just got to learn to take ‎the world as it is.‎

‎- I won't let another man pass my lips!‎

I know why you say “Don't eat people”, because you are a coward, Francis, that's your trouble, yes, ‎a yellow-livered coward. You wouldn't mind eating people if you weren't afraid of ending up in the ‎pot yourself. How despicable. Go on like this and you're liable to get me into hot water.‎

‎- I won't eat people!‎

That's enough!‎

‎- I don't eat people!‎

I don't want to...‎

‎- Eating people is wrong!‎


Going around saying “don't eat people”, that's the way to make people hate you! We always have ‎eaten people, always will eat people — You Can't Change Human Nature.‎

‎- I won't eat people!
I don't eat people!
I won't eat people!
I don't eat people!
I won't eat people!‎

It must be someone he ate

‎- Eating people is out!‎

I give up. I give up. You used to be a regular anthropophagi. If this crazy idealistic idea of yours ‎was to catch on, I just don't know where we would all be. It would just about ruin our entire internal ‎economy. Fortunately, I suppose its catching on isn't very likely. Why, you might just as well go ‎around saying “don't fight people”, for example...‎

‎- Don't fight people? Ha ha! (Both convulsed with laughter)‎

Oh, that's my boy.‎

‎(In chorus:) Ridiculous!‎

Contributed by Bernart - 2013/7/19 - 11:25

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